What is it

What is it that connects people? I engage in conversations with at least a dozen people a day, some of them repeatedly, some of them irregularly. For a long time, I thought it’s pain that connects. A vulnerable look into the other person’ eyes. You don’t like them? Well, maybe you haven’t felt the same type. I wonder what even dares me to think that others connect with me through pain in the first place, it’s kind of sad if you think about it, it’s as if I was reducing myself to the pain that I have felt.  

Another contender for ThatsTheReasonYouLikeMe could be acknowledgement. You thrive to do something that is YOU, and I acknowledge it and you appreciate it. A subtle choice of adjectives that go beyond the usual day-to-day vocabulary to describe how you are, or a sprinkle of sarcasm on an otherwise serious topic.  

The next option, a very special sort, is finding something in me that was missing in others, I call it TheLackingPiece. You place it into your puzzle, and Eh Voila!, everything makes sense.  

And the final sort, my most favorite kind of people, are the kind, TheGenerousHandouts, who spare no drop of love and affection towards you, making it seem that they are drawing it out of an ocean of energy, when they have always been at their wit’s end.  

It’s just a thought. It’s 1:54 am at the moment, and I going to work tomorrow again, MONDAAYYYYY. And for a long time, I can safely say that my Monday Scaries aren’t really scary, I am jetlagged this time.  

I have so much to think about it’s driving me nuts. One of the things is Brandon Sanderson. The guy baffles me. I finished his first book of the Stormlight Archive series, and towards the end (don’t worry I never spoil), I thought he will do something that he didn’t and then I got really disappointed, because I am probably the very dumb, naive, reader that he thought – or essentially he was sure – he could trick. I flick open the second book and see a full page of books and stories he wrote, which is wild considering how good the first book of the series was. It’s so inspiring to me, because Brandon probably woke up one day and said: Well, let me tell you about a completely different universe with new races and religions and ethics, and let me go ahead and explain it to you into the exact detail that your tiny brain requires to get you to understand my point.  Since it is entirely fictional, I know for a fact that I can create my very own universe as well. It probably exists inside me already, right? I learned in university about Epigenetics, a scientifically proven study that we pass on experience across generations. And it has become clear to me that if I want to engage with everything built inside me, I shall learn how to communicate it to others, just like Brandon does.  

(I will walk to my vape now just a moment) 

(I also took a piss beforehand) 

So, what I was trying to say: Brandon wouldn’t be able to write so much if he doubted himself along the way. He probably sits comfortably on his kitchen table (not a writer’s desk with fancy gaming chair) while his children are screaming around and his wife is cooking dinner. This is entirely hypothetical, I did not look up any of his life. It’s a great metaphor to how I would like to live my own life. Accept all the noise and continue working on your world. I mean, he wrote in his acknowledgments in book 2 that his child was born in the middle and could walk by the end of writing his book – what the damn hell?? Are you telling me you twisted my thoughts and ideas about your story in a mere two years? And here I am being a scared little bitch to finish my degree, for which I only have to write my thesis.  

The thing that keeps happening to me recently, and I really mean almost on a day to day basis, is that I constantly see people doing things so easily; things that I thought to be impossible. Then, I realize that it was JUST ME that made it impossible in the first place. I change my mind, do it, and realize that I was stupid for thinking I couldn’t do it. Let me give you a very cool example from my wife. She fine-tuned a Large Language Model for her Master’s thesis on her laptop, which I am supposed to do at work next year (Yes, I wrote my own budget for the first time). She was telling me about it, and the only thing I was thinking is: How the hell did she do that on a Sunday? It was so big to me and yet she decided to “finish it already today because otherwise I will not have my Monday morning for myself”. Isn’t that something!!  

(I’m gonna grab a drink, hold on, btw it’s 2:19 am now to give you a sense of time it takes me to write, which I really think famous writer’s have missed out on like crazy. I would have loved to know how long it took Kafka to write his first sentence to Der Prozess [https://www.derstandard.at/story/3000000213681/wie-kafka-den-fall-josef-k-in-ein-menschheitsraetsel-verwandelte]. Dammit I was supposed to grab a drink just a moment). 

So, I was saying. Brandon Sanderson really surprised me with his Acknowledgements. He then says “Thanks to that dude telling me to remove things because they don’t fit into the story”. No reason to be coooooooy, Brandon! Say that you had too much story to share. Other’s die of thirst while Brandon is drowning in Fiji water. That’s what greatness is to me. Taking the thing I thought to be impossible – explaining yourself well enough to be understood – has wiped away a large chunk of doubt I have been having about my own prospects. But yes, it must be possible, because how else would I (M, 27) fall into his imagination and stand beside him while he is narrating life. What worth would you give to your own values after reading the first book?  

The thing that keeps happening to me recently is that I am wrong all the time. It’s so strange. I do something, and it’s wrong. I try something, and it’s not enough. I have absolutely no cussing cell in my body that feels comfortable with what I am doing every day. No routine. I spawn every morning with a new side quest. Yes, sir, I would like to sit next to a woman in her fifties ringing in an interview with the Gen-Z employer sitting across from her, who for God’s sake could not be older than 27. And then I am sitting there, having my coffee and muffin, and I hear this lady fighting for her life. Bloomberg here, media outlet there, millions of viewers here, economic growth there. “Great, so can you tell me more about...” is all he says.   

(Oh wait, I stood up and wanted to wander around a bit in the apartment, and I forgot to say. It’s 2:34am. Brb. Wait, why did I make this so special I stretched for a minute and came back.) 

So, I was saying. 

Boah, now I remember another sort of connection, it’s the GiversOfHope, a people of change, of promise, of excitement.  

All of the fear mongering with AI is so stupid, it really shows how retarded we are as a society. Did you know that people would spread posters [https://museumandarchives.redcross.org.uk/objects/46927] shying people away from vaccinations, at a time where children were dying because of already healable diseases. And people then were so retarded and said: Oh my god, they are injecting something into you that will make you stupid and turn you obedient. Sir, you are already stupid and obedient, what difference would it make. Why would anyone be worried about AI taking over, when we are already fully emersed into our phones already. Oh my god, I cannot shut up talking about phones, can I?  

(I am going to try and sleep now, 2:54 am, and THAT’S HOW YOU DON’T SPEND AN HOUR OF YOUR DAY ON YOUR STUPID FUCKING RETARDED AND BITCHASS LITTLE TINY PHONE OF YOURS BITCH) 

(10:12am small edit: I removed all of the unnecessary „just“)