Drake just saved 2025!!!<3<3<3

I know, you are thinking: what is it that this guy is going to write that I don’t already know yet. I mean, I am basically perfect. And since I am perfect, I am going to go, read, and appreciate this young man’s effort to do something he enjoys. Yes, I mean you, pls continue reading and be super nice in the comments. Unless you didn’t like it, then just go and if you ever see me again, act like you did not ever see it. Just DON’T YOU DARE critising me in the comments. Otherwise I will tell my team of independent and exceptional creators (I am the only member) to curate and remove any comment that isn’t nice or “Nice Try Diddy!”. Try me, no actually don’t, or do whatever; you are your own person!

Let’s talk about the elephant in the room: Drake. Drake dropped a new album $ome $exy $ongs 4 U few days ago, on no other day than Valentine’s Day. The official day of St. Valentine, and the inofficial celebration of Fuck Boys across the globe.

GIMME a HUG, GIMME a HUG, GIMME a HUUUUUUG

If that doesn’t send you back to when you were 17, driving your first car, and listening to your favorite music, then what does? Exactly. And trust me with this. Okay, quick background story, I was born in Austria. So for us, there is this super cool law where you can have your license by the time you are 17! Americans are jealous... I know. Or wait isn’t the driving age even lower than that? Ohhh I just checked and noticed I was wrong again. I make fun of Americans allllll the time, their education is a joke bro; but seriously, you are in your car, cruising, enjoying life, LIVING. That’s what this album should make you feel, otherwise your vibes are off. Sorry to be the one to tell you.

No, I am kidding of course, feel however you want to feel. Also, I love Americans, they are the coolest and I would never do anything to offend them (please let me back in next time I travel to US again).

SOMEBOOOOODY, SOMEBODY TO LOVE ME IS ALL I NEED

Wow, lyrics so good they keep my text in italic. How the fuck did Drake do this? How the fuck do you create perfection. How would those guys create art that keeps me captivated, makes me live the moment? The whole album, every single song, is just one banger after another. One legendary chorus here, one iconic LAST WEEK YOU GAVE ME THE SICKEST THREESOME there. Bro chill we still have 10 more months to go in 2025. How do you already have most of other artist postpone their release date by a month AT LEAST. Don’t be too sad, there’s other artists that make a living off of that. Yes, it’s our FUCK BOYYYS. You already know every single one of them was blessed by 10000 more aura points, an impeccable boner, and all the FUCKBOYENERGY shared collectively through this album.

BUT IF I BUST HER BACK, SHE GON’ NEED AN MB TO ADJUST HER BACK (facts)

I don’t even know what an MB is, but I FELT IT. Or maybe not me but her. Hmmm... An MB... Like in Mega-Byte? That’s what Google is telling me, I checked it now! Okay, but I promise that I was telling the truth in the beginning! I mean it! I felt that bro. Ok, I checked some more! BM probably stands for Bachelor of Medicine, so probably a chiropractor of some sort. Do you see the kind of word play? What do you think I am listing to now? Ha?

LET’S GET HIGH, HIGH, LET’S GO SCI-FI

I’M TRYNA BE OUT OF MY MIIIIIIND

Music to be creative to, music to be. Drake showed what he can do in a competition. He DELIVERED. HE SAID LESS. Bro wanted to get the summer lit but forgot that he released in winter. Bro wanted to get the party lit but forgot that people will be passing out listening to this. Bro let people doubt his story for half a year, knowing that he has this album on the tip of his finger. Bro makes idiots like me write cringe appreciation posts. Bro outplayed bro.

YOUR BABY DADDY’S ON HIS FACE, SHIIIT

YOUR BABY’S SIPPIN’ THAT ROSÉ (COME ON, BITCH)

HOW BULLETPROOF THAT ESCALADE? (GIMME THAT BIT)

I MIGHT WATERPROOF THE SEATS FOR SOME PUSSY PLAY

Let that sink in. Let that be a lesson about religion. That you should be thankful TO THE LOOOORD. That you can experience emotion, you can feel! I felt grateful listening to his album. I thought that we already witnessed the miracle of 2025. You know whom I mean... The dude... tall... carpet hair... POTUS. Say whatever you want about that guy; for all I know, he is bound to become the best or worst president in history... And whether you and I like him or not, I saw a video that really sparked a change of heart. Did you know that he is the first president to ever let a mentally disabled person lead a

governmental position? For efficiency, imagine that!

You know, I wanted to say the R word. You know that I know that you know that I would have said the R word if I had the same discussion with them in person. You know for a FACT that I already used the R word exactly for such discussion. But to do that online just doesn’t seem right. It’s all fun and dark humor, and actually really cool. So, if you feel offended, let me know in the comments! I’ll try and consider it in my future posts. SIKE, R*TARD.

Who’s callin’ my phone? (Who’s callin’ that shit?)

Who’s callin’ my phone? (Who, Who?)

Don’t be callin’ my phone, biiiitch. I need to stop writing, I forgot my charger at home. Love you! Thanks for reading everything <3 If I may put your place in my heart using Drake’s wisdom:

Her name is Angel, but she must forgot (from God)

Jk... but really, thanks. Hope you enjoyed it.